I'd completely forgotten that the whole thing existed; yet, once upon a time, I spent a lot of time (and a fair bit of money, too) trying to incorporate NVC into both my work and my life. And failed, pretty spectacularly.
Yes, maybe. But many if not most people can't tell between their "needs" and their "wants", and some people just want to watch the world burn.
I don't know why we're so keen in this society to cling to the idiotic notion that there are no monsters, that there is no inherent evil, that everyone would be nice if only they were given the chance to be. I mean, even if that were true (which I personally doubt), how in the name of all that is holy does it help us when the shit hits the fan? Yes, if Jack the Ripper had been loved more by his momma he might have grown up to be a kind and loving person, or at least a better-functioning psychopath... but he wasn't, or he wasn't wired right, or a cart run over his dog, or something went wrong; so he killed. Treating him like a non-killer and trying to connect to his inner child while he's waving a knife in your proximity would go beyond the idiotic into the potentially suicidal. And if you're writing policy, it could cause you to be responsible for the deaths of others.
"Trying to deal with asocial using social is like trying to play chess while in standing in traffic.Trying to use specific social scripts when someone is going after a different goal is like you're playing chess and he's playing checkers.There's a big difference between it not being a game and playing the wrong one."NVC and countless other current strategies are based on the same sort of fallacy, roughly summarisable as "wouldn't it be nice if everyone was nice". And yes, it bloody well would be; but they are NOT. It may be nature or nurture, we may never know which, but right here and now they are just not nice. And as there isn't a damn thing I can do about that, how about we focus on me not getting raped or beaten or sold or killed or just slowly destroyed emotionally and psychologically as a first priority?
(Oh, if you want a cheap and cheerful intro to NVC, here's the book. If you want to know more about Conflict Communication, here is Rory Miller's version; Marc MacYoung's is in production, and you can follow him here.)