Tuesday, 6 August 2013

My final & ultimate statement on "victim blaming". 06.08.13

Ok, so I've had it up to the gills about those circular discussions on "victim blaming".  This is my final & ultimate statement on the subject.  This is the view I've held since I was old and experienced enough to have a view on the subject.  I've formed it on my own, based on my thoughts and experiences and what passes for "morals" in my warped little brain, with absolutely zero outside influence.  I've not been indoctrinated, brainwashed or even influenced.  So, yeah, it's entirely "my fault".  It's also not likely to change any time soon, so you either like it or lump it.

  1. Victim blaming is an awful, disgusting practice.  I hope that all victim blamers rot in a hell where they can go through the experience the victims in questions have gone through forevermore.
  2. Trying to teach people (men, women, children, leprechauns, I don't care) how to stay safe has got fuck-all to do with victim blaming.
  3. Trying to stop people from teaching people how to stay safe is an awful, disgusting practice.  I don't quite hope that all people who try to stop people from helping people stay safe rot in a hell where they can go through the experience the victims in questions have gone through (yes, there is a symmetry); however, I do wish they would shut up and go away, back to their own private Idaho, because they are doing harm.  They are helping more people to become victims by interfering with the people who are trying to help.  It makes me wanna smack things, or heads.
  4. Teaching people "not to rape" is also an important part of the problem, it having two sides.  However, it completely disregards the fact that there are psychopaths and sociopaths out there who know raping is wrong and harmful, which is why they get a kick out of it.  So, while educating the could-be-rapists (and that includes women, btw, because we're just as likely to find a man drunk enough that his consent isn't worth pish) is important, it's not enough.
  5. Going back over an incident and finding out that you could have done something different and changed the outcome hurts like fuck.  I know this, because I've done it.  However, going through an incident again because you've not learnt how to stop it from taking place hurts a fuckload more.  The biggest problem is that rapes happen. The most important step to take must be to stop them happening.
  6. The crime of "rape" would be a whole load more meaningful, and probably also more easily punishable by law, if we didn't lump completely alien events together. Strangers grabbing strangers and dragging them into hedges to do nasty things to them is one thing.  It is a deliberate act of pure evil.  Two people getting wasted together, having sex together, and then one of them changing their mind in the morning and retroactively withholding consent is a rather different kettle of fish.  In between those two events there is a continuum of crap that just shouldn't happen in an ideal world.
  7. We don't live in an ideal world.  Our world is a lot better than any of our ancestors have ever had it (if you don't believe it, give up all modern mod-cons for a week, move to rural Bolivia maybe, and see how you like it).  Still, we're not in an ideal world and we never will be.  Deal with it.
  8. However much we develop our culture and our society, we will still carry a percentage of people born with the empathy bit missing from their brains.  Evil will forever be with us, until we start culling people on the basis of psychological testing as a form of prevention.  Self-defence will forever be a necessity. Deal with it.
  9. I have never learnt anything useful about men by talking to women.  Men, bizarrely, seem to be the authority on the way they think and operate.  As rape mostly tends to involve at least a person of the male persuasion, men need to be included in the dialogue.  Otherwise all you end up with is at worst a blamefest, at best a conversation where you're trying to guess what the problem is.
  10. We're all in this together.  Most of us, bar those who want to rape, want the same thing. We want an end to rape.  It would be goddamned wise to take all possible steps towards reaching that end, instead of infighting.
And now, by all that is holy (including my ex-stepdaughter's kisses, my dogs running headlong into the sea, sunlight, hugging a really good friend you've not seen for a long time, crying on the shoulder of someone you know really cares, and I could go on almost indefinitely) - I'm DONE with this.


P.R.Martin said...

I have never understood how teaching people to defend themselves with good, sound cautionary skills is 'victim blaming' to be honest.

That is about as logical as teaching athletes only sound offense and no defense. So boxers should never be told "protect yourself as all times"? Or Ice Hockey players shouldn't be told "Head on a swivel" as a general rule so that they are aware of their surroundings at all times?

Marc said...

Really excellent analysis! Whenever I have time, I'm working through these blog postings: Learning tonnes!
Thank you!